Saturday, February 10, 2007

Hard times

I had the worst ever day at work yesterday. Things went wrong; we made a mistake, which was my responsibility, and I ended up offering my resignation. It wasn't accepted, but I've spent yesterday and today putting myself through hell.

I feel that I really only have the thinnest layer protecting me from blows: I take things like this intensely personally and excoriate myself for everything I didn't do or should have done. I have hardly slept, I can't eat, I feel completely devastated by what has happened. I realise that it's an emotional reaction akin to the way I feel if things go wrong in my personal life, and this may not be appropriate for work: for one thing mistakes do happen, and if I can't cope with that, perhaps I shouldn't be in that job. But one of the things that makes me good at my job is that I care about the business, and care about the people I work with, and it makes it very difficult for me to cope with disasters like yesterday. I lack perspective and forget how lucky I am.

I know the measure of the individual is the way he or she reacts to things going wrong, and I just have to grit my teeth and get through this. It feels pretty damn hard right now, though.

3 comments:

Peter said...

That is quite exciting, the attempted resignation bit.

Anyway, I think you should go to the pictures to see an exciting film like BLOOD DIAMOND (not that I've seen it) but in any case something to take your mind off it. JURASSIC PARK works well, but is perhasp a little old hat.

PS I have lost your new email address (again)

Claire said...

I know you had a bad time at work the other week, but there's no need to stop posting! That's almost two weeks and I'm going mad here.

brian.aden.smith@gmail.com said...

hi doll

i'm sorry you had a bad time at work - i presume it's sorted now. i'm going to send you a lenghty email telling you all about whats been happening to me here in raintown. hugs brian