Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Charmless garments: 1

This is the first of an occasional series on charmless garments. Toweringly high on the list? The spandex poloneck. A garment that suits no one and besmirches everyone. Why would any woman with more than a completely flat chest ever squeeze herself into such a mockery? The neck segment clings to the neck, the rest cleaves unflatteringly to the body (if you have breasts, a huge expanse opens up, as per this picture, making you look like some sort of monster), and the spandex... glistens.

I once knew a man (let's call him "Reptile", for so he was dubbed by me and my friend Fiona) who was fond of sporting one of these monstrous items in pale blue: immediately marking himself out as someone who could not be trusted. (And so it came to pass, but that's another story.) He is now an MP; what does that tell you? And a woman I know, a very very nice person, wears a white, shiny, especially tight one, and it's all I can do not to say something to her or attempt to stage some sort of intervention.


nmj said...

Ok, you need to get drunk with your friend and tell her this sweater is a terrible thing. And, yes, I think Jimmy Yip is a rarity amongst taxi drivers. He sounds like a lovely man.

LottieP said...

I don't think I'll ever have that conversation, for she sports the offending garment too often for it to be anything but a favourite. And if she feels good in it, who am I to carp?

Jimmy Yip is my hero... I have bitter memories of my last trip to London and a taxi driver who was incredibly surly and rude and accused me of trying to rip him off to the tune of 20p.

Claire said...

I don't know about the spandex but such garments are a firm favourite with Americans visiting the UK. You can imagine them asking their friends what they'd recommend they pack for our chilly climes. "Oh you MUST pack at least two of these charming polo necks. Everyone wears them over there." Well, newsflash, WE DON'T, and you look terrible.

There, I feel better now.