Monday, May 21, 2007

Hicks from the sticks

David Hicks has been released from Guantanamo Bay and has returned to Australia to serve out his sentence. The South China today describes him, not unkindly, as "a former kangaroo skinner". This reminded me of the heartbreaking description of a girl who was murdered in Edinburgh in the 1990s and ended up being wrapped in a carpet and dumped in a drain in the common garden area of a block of flats in Newington - which incidentally was also my brother's back garden, shared with another 400 flats. Police posters asking for information described her as "an enthusiastic karaoke performer".

As someone who could legitimately be described as "a former hospital skivvy" and "a former pizza waitress", I'd better watch my step.

5 comments:

Claire said...

I agree. They're certain to overlook all your subsequent achievements. "Lottie P, MD with global company, has been released from Guantanamo to finish her sentence at Saughton" just doesn't have the same ring as "former hospital skivvy Lottie P, speaking from her cell in Guantanamo..."

Al said...

Or "Lottie P, lover of fine shoes and fine wine, speaking from her cell in Knightsbridge..." I think we should inject some glamour into her description.

Claire said...

"We caught up with Lottie P as she was transferred by limousine from Bar L to Peterhead. Between sips of Moet she told us of the awful conditions at Barlinnie: 'I had a private cell, and full access to Wi-Fi and a cordon bleu chef, but the quality of the bedlinen just about drove me crazy. I expressly asked for 400 count Egyptian cotton, but they were only able to offer me the far inferior linen stuff. The last straw was when they tried to palm me off with Pol Roger.'

tbc...

Nicole said...

Eerie. You'd better learn some basic defense moves. Tae-Bo worked for me :D

LottieP said...

Claire, Al, Nicole, thanks for your comments, some of which may not reflect all that well on me - what kind of sybarite do you take me for?

J's mum is of the firm belief that I only drink champagne and never carry cash (like the queen).

Tae-Bo is great! Highly recommended. And probably a better defence than karaoke.