Friday, December 11, 2009

Charmless garments: 3


Strictly speaking this next item is not a garment, but since it completes the charmless outfit when teamed with items 1 and 2 below, and it is a particularly loathsome thing altogether, it seems only (ill-)fitting to write about it.

My dad was always hopeless at picking clothes as gifts and every year of the 1970s, Christmas was marked, or marred, by whatever hideous gift he'd dreamed up to give to my mum, with a constant absence of success. Probably the most egregious excess, though, on an income that could ill afford frivolity, was a pair of handmade leather and wood lace-up clogs. They looked awful and uncomfortable, and wearing them (which I'm not sure my mum ever did) must have felt as though she were carrying around her own small, but burdensome, wooden cargo on each foot.

The word "clog" is appropriate because the sight and thought of them thoroughly clogs the pathways of the brain. And to add to the ignominy, clogs have gone boldly on to spawn one of the worst inventions in recent footwear history: the Croc.

Yes, the clog richly deserves all the opprobrium that can be heaped upon it: for it is clumpy, lumpy and frumpy all at the same time.

8 comments:

Claire said...

Someone, somewhere, at some point in time, has worn all three together.

nmj said...

I have to stand up for Crocs, they are super comfortable & lightweight! Agree about clogs though. My stepdad brought us all clogs - my brothers too - from Sweden in early 80s, they were not looking good... mine were blue leather, but it would have been hurtful to say we didn't like them. So we tried to wear them.

LottieP said...

Indeed, Claire, and the universe wept that day.

I'm afraid, NMJ, that while I still have breath in my body I will be wasting it lamenting the invention of Crocs... Comfort? Pah! I do admire your fortitude in wearing the unloved Swedish clogs to avoid hurting feelings.

Anonymous said...

Finally a charmless garment that I did not own in the 80's. I feel redeemed! Liz

LottieP said...

Oh, we've all potentially worn these charmless garments, Liz. Even, in my case (gasp!) the clogs. Although my dignity is still somewhat intact vis-à-vis the skipants which I don't recall ever having worn.

PJ Miller said...

I don't have a clog fetish (yet) but I do quite like them. I mean, look how they set off that tattoo, that looks like it came from a bubblegum packet.

verseastyle said...

So funny! What is really crazy is that I love clogs and loathe crocs lol

LottieP said...

Hello, verseastyle, and thank you for commenting. The clog is the father of crocs and as such has to shoulder much of the blame.