Saturday, February 27, 2010

Death from above

From one loathsome insect to another: I'm back in Hong Kong, where it's so damp and humid that the floor tiles in my housing block are wet and the walls beside the lift are running with water. I opened the front door on my return from work on Tuesday and immediately caught sight, through the open bathroom door, of a large, fat, brown cockroach sitting, as BOLD AS BRASS (bold caps to illustrate the horror, though mere typography is not equal to the task), plum on top of the soap on the bathroom sink.

I raced around trying to find a weapon with which to do battle and in a panic grabbed the bottle of Ecover washing up liquid and aimed a thick gout at the beast. Instead of doing the decent thing and passing out in a pool of liquid, it had the temerity to stagger to the edge of the sink before sliding slowly and horrifyingly down the pedestal, its tentacles still waving insolently. All reason gone, I battered it repeatedly with the base of a bottle of suntan lotion until it was long past dead.

Do I need to explain that I can't stand cockroaches? I had one in my hair once, during a dragonboat sinking drama round the back of Middle Island; it had flown from the island and alighted (to catch its rasping little breath) on an attractive looking, smallish bobbing island which turned out to be my head. In a fugue state brought on by terror, I smacked it to death with my dragon boat paddle. Since then my hatred and fear has known no bounds.


Mummy said...

I was there, as I recall, at the sinking and don't remember the cockroach at all. I remember your bravely rescuing one of my flip flops.

Borrow my cat. She is a brilliant roacher. We had one, once, and she killed it in about 2 seconds. They've never come back - I think the roach grapevine knows this is not a safe apartment to enter now!

LottieP said...

Yes, it was Kira batting and splashing at my head (as we bobbed there waiting to be rescued) which made me realise something was wrong. (The immediate assumption was that she was having some sort of hissy fit.)

I omitted to mention the other horrifying thing about this critter on my soap: it was making raspy clicking sounds.

LottieP said...

PS could you please communicate with the roach grapevine, via your cat if necessary, and inform it that they shall not pass into my flat as well?