Friday, June 06, 2008

Elementary, my dear

Much to the consternation of my fellow passengers (that 260 bus at 8am from Stanley to Central carries some heavy hitters, all of them on Blackberries and phones and laptops or talking about buying and selling gold) I laughed out loud on the bus to work this morning when I read the following email from my friend D, whom I’d challenged to use the word “lachrymose” in conversation:

“I felt pretty lachrymose at 2:00pm today when I read that Guy Ritchie will be
making a big budget Sherlock Holmes franchise, and that he will be ridding the
character of his ‘Victorian stuffiness’.
It all took place in seconds:
disbelief, denial, lachrymosity (starring Russell Crowe) and then a soul deep
need to push Guy Ritchie down a flight of stairs.
PS: Quite apart from
anything else, the character was never ‘stuffy’, or even particularly

And yes, a sense of revulsion and disbelief engulfed me too at the news that cack-handed Mockney Ritchie is to be entrusted with this pointless adaptation (“No Shit Sherlock”?) – no doubt plumbing the depths of the popular consensus and making Watson, and perhaps even Holmes himself, into some travesty of a Luvvable Cocker-ney into the bargain. Russell Crowe is part of the incipient farrago in the title role; as for Watson, is Michael Caine looking for work?


Grande Poobah said...

you've got to hope that it's better than Woody Allen's London trilogy. I only saw Match Point and honestly couldn't work out whether it was a serious film or some bizarre parody that was so deep I simply couldn't get it.

Turns out it was simply crap.

LottieP said...

Allen should really steer clear of trying to do anything in London. It's just not his milieu.

Match Point, to be fair, was hampered by awful casting - but that again illustrates the point.

Mummy said...

Match Point was, and being unfair about it is quite fine by me, a story that had a bit of a beginning, a self-obsessed middle and smacked of getting to a point where the thought of "shit, how do I end this quagmire of self-absorbed bollocks" led to the only way out, which was stupid in the extreme.

The cast were crap, but then poor SJ has done little of note except screw Benicio del Torro in a lift at the Oscars.

I rather like Michael Caine, however. Excellent in Zulu, the original Alfie, and even in the latest Batman.

magicman said...

Right! I am officially upset with Guy for his poor casting.

Clearly the ONLY man for the job is Keanu Reeves. Who could forget his groundbreaking performance in Dracula or his Don John in Much Ado About Nothing.

Also, Eddie Izzard must be Holmes othewise the whole project is doomed from the start.

Mancsoulsister said...

I saw a pretty good sherlock Holmes film with Michael Caine in it - I can't remember what it was called, but the plot was basically that sherlock (Caine) was rubbish and just the face of the detective ageny and the real sleuth was watson.

For a Ritchie 'geeza' style Sherlock movie, you are probably looking at Jason Statham as Holmes, Ross Kemp as Watson, Vinnie Jones as Lestrade and Goldie as Moriarty....

Anonymous said...

He (Caine) was excellent in "The Man Who Would Be King".

I would quite like the actor from the Hitman as Holmes. He reminds me of Clint Eastwood.

LottieP said...

Ross Kemp as Watson? I think that's too highbrow for Ritchie (Kemp's been in Extras and On The Stage) and he'd think it too obvious. He wants to be a little bit weahhh, a little bit woahh, a little bit dangerous, innit?

Ritchie's dream cast list is surely Pat from Eastenders (complete with chandelier earrings) as Holmes, Michael Stipe as Watson, Katie Holmes as Legrande and Prince William (he's a mate) as Moriarty...

Mancsoulsister said...

Pat from Enders would make an astounding Holmes! Pat for Holmes! Pat for Holmes! Pat for Holmes!

Ritchie would never get Katie Holmes tho. I doubt Lestrade fits into the Scientology approved Tom controlled career plan. Although she might have a shot at Mrs Hudson the housekeeper. Ritchie could bring in a whole new threesome sex angle then (if Tom allows Katie to expose some flesh!)

LottieP said...

An update on this: tragically (because I think he's a great actor who should know better than to go anywhere near anything involving Guy Ritchie), Robert Downey Jr has taken on the lead role.